Nice u-turn Micheál, but you're hardly a class act

Sunday Tribune 3 May

Is it just me or has anybody else noticed it? George Lee's name is ironic. He's 'G. Lee'. Mr Glee, no less. I realised this as Mr Glee's sepulchral tones delivered the bad news from the ESRI on Wednesday – unemployment is now expected to reach the 500,000 mark. Ireland is suffering the worst recession anywhere since the 1930s.
Mr Glee's glum report was the icing on a fruitcake week, which was dominated by cats, pigs and a u-turn by a senior minister. Let's deal with the cats first.
Top Cat economist, David Grubb of the OECD, says our dole is too generous. It discourages people from looking for work. Really? 380,000 people may beg to differ. Last week, a clothes shop in Galway received 1,000 applications for just 60 jobs. Among the applicants were teachers, lawyers and other graduates, all willing to set aside years of training – and the dole – to sell clothes. Being employed is about more than just money, it's about self-esteem. People want to work, not get 'hooked' on the dole, despite what the experts say. That's why so many workers were angry at being the victims of another 'cat' last week: the unofficial wildcat bus strike.
On Monday, a group of morons at Dublin Bus hindered 100,000 commuters because a driver was suspended for refusing to work an agreed new schedule. What kind of idiots strike in a recession? Half-witted actions like this only further destabilise the economy. The government should introduce legislation outlawing the disruption of public transport without union sanction. If that's not possible, then future job contracts should have a clause waiving the 'right' to unofficial action. Selfish bus drivers should not be allowed to mess up the economy. That's the job of the lads in Leinster House, which brings us to the pigs we mentioned earlier.
Last week, swine flu arrived to hoots of derision from Ryanair's Dr Michael O'Leary. He prescribed Strepsils and accused "idiot politicians" of using this "load of b***** nonsense" to distract us from the economy. He's wrong: it's doubtful they could even do that properly. Day after day, our politicians prove how inept, self-centred and deluded they are. Take Bertie Ahern, for example. He's more delusional than a pig looking forward to Christmas.
Last week, he hinted he wants to be Dublin's first publicly elected Mayor. The job should go to an experienced politician, he said. Not someone going around "making an ass of themselves". (Hasn't he already got that gig?)
Bertie believes he can have whatever job he wants when he leaves the Dáil. After receiving a fat pay-off and pension, he wants to continue swanning around in a state-paid job. When it comes to having a jaw-dropping sense of entitlement, Bertie is king. Or he was – last week, he was usurped by one of his former lieutenants.
On Monday, the Indo revealed that Micheál Martin will draw three pensions when he retires, worth nearly €130,000. These are ministerial, TD and teacher pensions. Martin has held on to his teaching job – for the past 20 years – despite financial security most of us only dream of. Under 'Oireachtas Leave' rules, he is entitled to do this while a substitute fills in for him. On Tuesday, he said he has no intention of quitting a job he hasn't worked at since 1989. This means he is denying someone a full-time post so he has something to fall back on if he loses his seat.
To add insult to injury, he lamely explained that he has a young family to support. Showing a rare lack of confidence, he pointed out that he's 48 and "if anything happened tomorrow morning with regard to my career…".
You have to feel sorry for him. If he gets the sack, he'll be staring at a bleak future on €130,000 a year and a six-figure lump sum. Despite being considered a potential taoiseach, he apparently doesn't believe he has the skill to carve out a business career. He's heading straight back to the classroom.
Yesterday, it emerged that he has had a change of heart since the Indo revelation and now only wants a pension for the five-and-a-half years he spent with his back to a blackboard. Big deal, he's still not giving up his teaching job.
Eleven of his Oireachtas colleagues – including Mary Hanafin – are also clinging to their teaching posts. Like Martin, they're frightened they might wind up hooked on the dole, as Mr Grubb says.
Martin was a member of the Ahern-led government that failed to put money aside for our future. He says he is only thinking of his family's by keeping his teaching options open. What a hypocrite. The 380,000 unemployed didn't have a back-up job when they were let go. What a great role model he'll make if he takes up teaching again.
Martin has been shamed into making a small gesture about his pension and doesn't deserve applause for it. His u-turn just means that there's a little less in the political trough for him as his colleagues snuffle around him.
Pigs will fly before any of them ever sees a dole queue.

dkenny@tribune.ie