As reality bites, the Greens carry on regardless in a parallel universe

Sunday Tribune, January 11, 2008

It's been some week. First there was Gaza and then the 1,900 job losses at Dell in Limerick.
Then the Russians started starving Europe of gas. This coincided with the discovery of a gas leak at our front gate which necessitated Bord Gáis drilling holes into the night and suspending our water and gas.
Then, as we lay shivering in sympathy with the citizens of Bulgaria, we discovered we had a mouse about the house: one with a helmet who kept headbutting the skirting board. Obviously not as bad as being in Gaza, but profoundly disturbing nonetheless.
Could things get worse? A bout of the vomiting bug perhaps?
Yes. On top of all this misery came the heartbreaking tale of one woman's fight to keep tens of thousands of euro out of the hands of a notorious Dublin 2-based gang. She fought tooth and nail until the gang leader wrestled her to the floor and took the money out of her Charlton Heston-like grip. She later said she had been singled out for attack.
Thank you Beverley, for the feelgood story of the week. Whenever I feel glum, it's always good to know you're out there making a show of yourself.
Bev wasn't the only government member entertaining the nation last week. Energy minister Eamon Ryan told Morning Ireland on Thursday that he could see a 'carbon tax' being introduced on fossil fuels this year.
The price of oil is currently rock-bottom, which is good news considering the economy. Raising it with a carbon tax, or 'floor price', would only hurt homeowners, motorists and industry. I nearly fell out of bed laughing. He was joking, right?
A quick google and I wasn't laughing any more. I was reminded why Ryan's party is the Sarah Palin of Irish politics.
You'll remember that last year they offered us free bikes to leave our cars at home while public transport was sneakily putting up its fares by 10%.
Well, last week, the day before Ryan's comments, they announced yet another top priority initiative: schools are now to be fined for wasting water. Gardeners who water their lawns during water shortages will also face on-the-spot fines of €125. Presumably, Ryan and John Gormley will personally enforce the new 'kick-ass' water-conservation laws, cycling around the country, getting tough on gardeners and schoolchildren.
Here's a question: did the Greens spend the past three summers in Ireland? Did they not notice the flooding and global warming-fuelled overabundance of water? Given their long Dáil holidays, probably not.
If that wasn't enough to show how the obsessive pursuit of their own Green agenda has blinded them to reality, along comes Ryan with his carbon tax. What kind of a political party says it wants to put up the price of a precious resource that is at a record low when people can least afford an increase? It's beyond witless.
Fundamentally, they are right. It would be really, really nice to live in their Green Utopia. But let's get the small matter of survival out of the way first.
A flick through last week's papers reveals – from east to west – hardships from the Dell lay-offs to A&Es grinding to a halt. On Little Christmas, the Lourdes Hospital in Drogheda had 38 ill people waiting on trolleys.
Then there was the story of single Dublin mother Ann J, who told a judge she turned to shoplifting as she desperately needed essentials for her and her new baby. These amounted to just €19.67. In light of her circumstances, the judge said he would make no order.
That, minister Ryan, is the Ireland we live in, and stories like Ann's will increase as the economy worsens and more jobs are lost. Your contribution is to make running a car more expensive just when having a car will give unemployed people an edge while looking for a new job. I'll bet the people in Dell will really thank you for this.
Between having you and Beverley to deal with, I'm actually starting to feel sorry for Biffo.

dkenny@tribune.ie